“Don’t worry ma’am, I’m going in …”

Two important things to know to understand my blog. Well, at least this post anyway. (1) Grant is completely obsessed with his Fisher-Price camera, and has had one by his side day and night since 2004. The blue one with the wide red button. Which they do not make the same way anymore, by the way. In 2008 they replaced the button with a smaller one that he can’t push very easily. Still waiting from a response from Fisher-Price from my tearful emails to their customer service. And when this one bites the dust, I am totally screwed. I found it by the grace of God covered in dust pushed to the back of a Walmart shelf when his last one kicked it. My plan is to canvas ebay and hope for the best. Anyway, I digress. (2) We go to the zoo a lot. We have a membership, and pretty much know and love every nook and cranny of the Indianapolis Zoo. You could call us zoo groupies. In short, the zoo is Grant’s crack.

So, me and kids got up early this morning and went to this magical haven for all things animals. Mike had worked super late, so we left him sleeping and headed out to be there when they opened. Yes, we open the zoo a lot. Because we are cool like that.

All is going well, and we are making the rounds. After a while we head into the desert exhibit. Now, I normally am not a big fan. It smells kind of funny, and it is terribly hot in there. But, it wasn’t very crowded and the beautiful 60 degree-day made it bearable. So in we went.

Grant was occupying himself taking pictures of some huge tortoise, so Lily, Avery and I wandered just a bit ahead to peer at the meerkats for a bit. That’s when all hell broke loose.

You probably heard his screeches from wherever it was you were this morning. Because they were loud. Very loud. It seems he accidentally dropped his camera, which somehow bounced off the tortoise and into the exhibit. If there had been a fan in there, the shit would have been flying off of it.

So I went running, Ave and Lils on my heels. Sure enough, there was his camera, down below under some rocks. Holy balls, this was no kinds of good.

There were maybe 20 people in the whole desert area, and none of them were moving. They were transfixed by the scene, looks of horror and pity on their faces. Surely they didn’t know the importance of the camera, but Grant’s horrific wails were a pretty good clue.

I thought to myself, “You gotta go get it. I mean, suck it up, you are super mom. Climb your ass in there and get the camera. And hope we don’t get escorted out of here.”

But here’s the thing. Aren’t there, like, snakes and shit in the desert? I am frantically trying to read what is in this enclosure because if there are snakes I am going to have a heart attack. And there isn’t a damn zoo person to be found. I know this because at least 10 of our 20 fellow zoo goers are trying to find one for us.

It appears to only house some iguanas along with this big tortoise, so I hoist my leg up to climb over into the enclosure. Then Grant becomes more hysterical. God love him, did he think the giant tortoise was going to eat me? I will always remember that for at least a second, he valued me over his camera. Or maybe he was just afraid the tortoise would take me out before I rescued the camera.

That’s when this stranger, a huge dude in a plaid shirt, approached me. He calmly laid his hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry ma’am, I’m going in.” I could have kissed him. But the woman with him looked like she might have taken it the wrong way and kicked my ass. So I didn’t.

But right as he was about to climb in, a zoo worker came running in. She was talking into her walkie talkie, and clearly, this was a zoo emergency. She went right in there and got the camera. Grant grabbed it to his chest, clutching on for dear life.

For that shining moment, there was rejoicing all over the desert.

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One thought on ““Don’t worry ma’am, I’m going in …”

  1. I can’t believe I have never read your blog until now! I’ve cried at least five times already, and laughed even more! You are remarkable! 🙂

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